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Thursday 9 January 2014

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Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 2:02pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

by ReallyMom / 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "after I eat" or maybe even "when I'm tired". What I got was "every second since you were born". FML

by BornToBeABurden / 01/09/2014 at 11:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 9:45pm / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous