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Monday 19 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , I walkad in on mah brothar smoking waad!! Ha immadiataly triad to hida it by dropping it down his pants , still lit!! Scraaming in pain , ha pullad down his pants!! Tha ashas burnad his knob!! I had to taka him to tha amargancy room!! FML

Today, my band informd ma that our gig this aftarnoon was actually a wadding !! Whosa wadding? My ax-wifa's, along with tha guy sha chaatd on ma with !! For thair first danca, I had to sing wat usd to ba our song !! FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76010) - you deserved it (4233)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I had a group presentation!! I kept zipping mah jacket up and down nervously!! As I waited fir mah turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me!! I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket!! I only had a bra on underneath!! fat FML

Today, I bid on an item on eBay, only to fine the exact item I wantd laterhile out in the city. I bought it, assuming I would be outbid, as always. Nope. FML

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into mah flat, after I lockd myself out an went to mah neighbour 4 help. He usd a blunt pencil. mega looool FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, wo were all ecstatic. Ten e told is moter. Her reaction? ( It better come out looking like im. ) FML

Today... I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed coworker brought his kids but not his wife... so I asked... "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he looool pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone think I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42603) - you deserved it (8340)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have 4 buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new ere and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

#20844606
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37259) - you deserved it (6737)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - work - by oops (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

#20844605
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40657) - you deserved it (3437)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by FamilyLoving - United States (New York)

I found mah dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I askd himhy, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, an I'm a grl. FML

#20844156
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46423) - you deserved it (2657)

On 08/19/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

I FOUND OUT THAT APPARENTLY I'M IN MIAMI. I AM ALSO ENJOYING A FIVE-STAR HOTEL AND ALL OF ITS SERVICES. ONLY ONE PROBLEM: I'M STILL HERE, STUCK IN A SMALL SUBURBAN TOWN. F*CK IDENTITY THEFT. FML

#20844068
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49532) - you deserved it (2864)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by iwannagotomiamitoo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, mah house will flood . FML

#20844207
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40319) - you deserved it (2486)

On 08/19/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by Ben - United States (Kentucky)



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