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Sunday 14 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

#20782097
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52320) - you deserved it (17789)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by peniswoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54942) - you deserved it (6926)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

#20782525
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25587) - you deserved it (65339)

On 07/14/2013 at 5:25pm - misc - by scheisse (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, some guys were doing construction on my house, when one of them came over and started asking me about my "hot sister". That "sister" is my 13-year-old daughter. FML

#20781189
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54188) - you deserved it (4279)

On 07/14/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

#20782670
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62467) - you deserved it (3142)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by thatsfine (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56667) - you deserved it (3760)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

#20781390
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44531) - you deserved it (3847)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:35am - health - by coughcough - United States

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

#20782358
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53769) - you deserved it (4520)

On 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63059) - you deserved it (13239)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

#20782878
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39235) - you deserved it (4930)

On 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

#20781242
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51218) - you deserved it (3578)

On 07/14/2013 at 12:32am - health - by Upset Mommy - United States

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

#20782183
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44966) - you deserved it (2625)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by nice one - United States (Tennessee)



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