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FML with : tten

Number of results : 757

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

#21416031
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13927) - you deserved it (1321)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:40am - intimacy - by shitty shit - United States (Indiana)

Today, after being with my fiance for almost a decade, my future mother-in-law has been accusing me of being a gold digger because we want to buy a house together. She has conveniently forgotten her son was out of work for two years and I supported the both of us. FML

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (2244)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24638) - you deserved it (3917)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you deserved it (1901)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

#21409757
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27009) - you deserved it (3004)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by Muralove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

#21409245
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25415) - you deserved it (2108)

On 05/12/2015 at 11:19pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

#21405167
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29432) - you deserved it (3100)

On 05/05/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

#21401720
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29244) - you deserved it (2754)

On 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

#21390746
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14723) - you deserved it (37530)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm - work - by Distracted (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

#21390594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27061) - you deserved it (3230)

On 04/09/2015 at 11:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

#21389096
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30321) - you deserved it (2003)

On 04/07/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by cat.imakittycat. (woman) - New Zealand (Taranaki)

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

#21386294
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13559) - you deserved it (26835)

On 04/02/2015 at 12:40am - misc - by banana12321 - United States (California)



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