FML with : emo_

Number of results : 582

Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML

Today, at the doctor's, I dropped my pants and the attractive nurse assured me it was the biggest one she had ever seen. Unfortunately, she wasn't referring to my penis, she was, in fact referring to the huge haemorrhoid hanging out of my asshole. FML

by mind your own business / 06/13/2016 at 6:31pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

by Belt issues / 06/09/2016 at 8:21am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

by Loki16 / 06/02/2016 at 4:40am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2016 at 9:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

by Sarah-grace / 05/17/2016 at 6:20pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

by MissAnonymous93 / 05/14/2016 at 11:32am / South Africa / Health

Today, I started my first training day using an MRI machine and completely forgot to remove my nipple piercings before I went in. I've never experienced a pain so vile and lingering in my life. FML

by somuchhatesolittleworld / 05/09/2016 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

by jameen / 05/07/2016 at 7:48am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Money

Today, I tried to charge my phone at school by removing the socket for the fan. All the computers in the room turned off. I accidentally removed the power cables for the computers and got suspended. FML

by JoshWontonDo / 05/03/2016 at 11:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my mom called me in a panic because someone had hacked my phone and was sending her evil faces. They were emojis I'd accidentally butt-dialed. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

by pierced / 05/01/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, and the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2016 at 2:37pm / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 1:13am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (Virginia) / Work