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Number of results : 526

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

#21435204
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21950) - you deserved it (3331)

On 07/02/2015 at 1:53am - intimacy - by mirandale (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

#21429629
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19397) - you deserved it (7477)

On 06/21/2015 at 4:42pm - work - by ihateloopholes (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

#21423738
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (1546)

On 06/10/2015 at 1:25am - work - by UkuleleTime - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

#21421662
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27438) - you deserved it (8537)

On 06/06/2015 at 5:11am - misc - by lehonX9 (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

#21420192
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (5099)

On 06/03/2015 at 11:46am - health - by betterthanhodor - United Kingdom

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24700) - you deserved it (2358)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

#21407219
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28243) - you deserved it (2552)

On 05/09/2015 at 11:53am - love - by ForeverAlone - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

#21405071
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30072) - you deserved it (3305)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

#21397872
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29993) - you deserved it (5237)

On 04/22/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

#21395025
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28266) - you deserved it (1917)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

#21394049
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25624) - you deserved it (12398) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/15/2015 at 6:14am - misc - by boudinette (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

#21388908
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30735) - you deserved it (2081)

On 04/06/2015 at 9:51pm - misc - by ouch - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML



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