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FML with : gest

Number of results : 272

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3183) - you deserved it (300)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

#21523112
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11697) - you deserved it (1325)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm - misc - by UUUGHHH (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19612) - you deserved it (1821)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

#21518840
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17362) - you deserved it (7203)

On 01/24/2016 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

#21511680
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20321) - you deserved it (1601)

On 01/05/2016 at 3:43am - misc - by Robyn (woman) - Belgium (Limburg)

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

#21507511
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20703) - you deserved it (1533)

On 12/25/2015 at 12:51am - misc - by leftout - United States (Texas)

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML

Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML

#21498394
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22805) - you deserved it (2062)

On 11/29/2015 at 11:55pm - love - by badplannning (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

#21495119
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (3522)

On 11/21/2015 at 9:54am - intimacy - by angelisa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

#21493254
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23526) - you deserved it (1962)

On 11/16/2015 at 4:39pm - work - by ScreweD- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

#21490816
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20824) - you deserved it (1724)

On 11/10/2015 at 12:35pm - kids - by Denise1988 - United States (Nevada)

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

#21479748
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (2156)

On 10/13/2015 at 10:01pm - love - by malcolmXXX - United States (Georgia)

Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex in the day and a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

#21476584
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22675) - you deserved it (1457)

On 10/05/2015 at 8:23pm - work - by Doublescrewed (man) -

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

#21470740
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27411) - you deserved it (2282)

On 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm - intimacy - by M - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, I found my diamond earring, which had gone missing. The vet had to surgically remove it from my dog. Despite having made the voyage through the dog's digestive tract, the earring is more expensive than ever. FML



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