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FML with : ceed

Number of results : 28

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23434) - you deserved it (42577)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

#21315542
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28516) - you deserved it (3231)

On 12/11/2014 at 11:10am - work - by anyoldnamewilldo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

#21236507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39207) - you deserved it (3723)

On 08/13/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

#21128889
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41179) - you deserved it (3997)

On 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37648) - you deserved it (3033)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44438) - you deserved it (11475)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44955) - you deserved it (5314)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, during lunch break at work, the bitter departmental rivalry blew out of control, when one of the glorified thugs from HR started a fistfight with my shift supervisor. I rushed in to break it up, but only succeeded in getting sucker-punched into next week. FML

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

#19867617
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12750) - you deserved it (16047)

On 06/29/2012 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I switched from pads to tampons. It took me several botched attempts trying insert one before I succeeded, and now I feel like I've just raped myself. FML

#18814672
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37032) - you deserved it (12859)

On 01/15/2012 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by lolwut - United States

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10630) - you deserved it (70088)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

#18120358
590 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60088) - you deserved it (4793)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:38am - intimacy - by ohdear (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

#16817769
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9697) - you deserved it (44082)

On 06/23/2011 at 2:56pm - health - by run4fun (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

#16702433
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36134) - you deserved it (4960)

On 06/16/2011 at 10:17pm - money - by pookie99 - United States (Colorado)

Today, after three unsuccessful months of trying to make me orgasm, my boyfriend finally succeeded. It came from his car bumping up and down while we drove down a pot-holed road. FML

#16283076
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38257) - you deserved it (5603)

On 05/21/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by hahanosirr (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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