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FML with : mouth on

Number of results : 353

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

#21374137
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30873) - you deserved it (3268)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eddy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML

#21373551
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28471) - you deserved it (3864)

On 03/13/2015 at 12:19am - health - by numbtongue - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

#21363801
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29447) - you deserved it (9308) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2015 at 2:35am - kids - by ManchotDesAndes - Sent from mobile version

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

#21352523
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (2075)

On 02/09/2015 at 1:23am - health - by wellalrightythen - United States (Indiana)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21002) - you deserved it (12208)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34196) - you deserved it (6809)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

#21321894
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31938) - you deserved it (5624)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36108) - you deserved it (3053)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38496) - you deserved it (3660)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

#21285341
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29594) - you deserved it (5059)

On 10/25/2014 at 11:47pm - misc - by j_portal - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

#21283230
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31677) - you deserved it (4143)

On 10/22/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by CJune24 (woman) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

#21282365
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35766) - you deserved it (3140)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by youngboob (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

#21274403
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (3179)

On 10/09/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39579) - you deserved it (4937)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35608) - you deserved it (4031)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)



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