FML with : _nk

Number of results : 4380

Today, I was so proud I'd fixed the toilet with a hardware store part without even having to call a plumber. As I happily put the lid back on the tank, I dropped the lid, which broke the tank, spilling water everywhere. Now I need a new toilet, a new floor, and I have to call the plumber. FML

by HomeChump / 09/28/2016 at 1:49am / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2016 at 8:28am / Italy (Veneto) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

by Battlebarney / 09/22/2016 at 6:58am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, I left my wallet on the train again. You'd think I'd be extra careful after losing it once. That's 3 times this year. FML

by JordLostItagain3 / 09/21/2016 at 3:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

by tequilashot / 09/20/2016 at 12:40am / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

by sweetdreams / 09/18/2016 at 2:39am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

by Aeare_ / 09/17/2016 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML

by Senseless_487 / 09/16/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

by Blamethepostman / 09/16/2016 at 11:10am / Money

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

by bigbaby / 09/16/2016 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

by Dezzmond68 / 09/15/2016 at 4:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML

by maybe next time? / 09/14/2016 at 7:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

by melon squash / 09/11/2016 at 6:15am / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

by CoA / 09/06/2016 at 7:40am / United States (Illinois) / Work