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FML with : _nk

Number of results : 3900

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

#21449052
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13973) - you deserved it (899)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:07pm - misc - by roselysunset (woman) - United States (California)

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19247) - you deserved it (6269)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16882) - you deserved it (6932)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

#21447461
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15509) - you deserved it (11461)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

#21447294
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26673) - you deserved it (2369)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by TheAce44 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

#21446817
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (2778)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing". The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

#21446532
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (1395)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:24pm - work - by (-,..,-) (woman) - France

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

#21445713
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9457) - you deserved it (33287)

On 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm - misc - by sucked_in - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

#21445547
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23925) - you deserved it (4892)

On 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

#21445474
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27657) - you deserved it (1828)

On 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm - health - by qhorin halflung (woman) -

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25542) - you deserved it (2741)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29035) - you deserved it (3800)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

#21443327
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28339) - you deserved it (4481)

On 07/18/2015 at 1:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

#21442921
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24892) - you deserved it (3256)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:00am - intimacy - by battle1 - United States (Georgia)



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