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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FML with : _nk

Number of results : 3873

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

#21435904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15625) - you deserved it (1386)

On 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm - misc - by Rusty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

#21435759
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17508) - you deserved it (2101) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/03/2015 at 12:32am - work - by Bart - Sent from mobile version

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

#21435181
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (7648)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:49am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

#21435249
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19853) - you deserved it (2507) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/02/2015 at 12:30am - misc - by Smeagogole - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

#21434340
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21858) - you deserved it (2216)

On 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm - animals - by piercednipple (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

#21434324
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20980) - you deserved it (4995)

On 06/30/2015 at 11:33am - work - by AIienware -

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

#21433516
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17156) - you deserved it (26369)

On 06/28/2015 at 10:02pm - kids - by AddictiveAddicted - United States (Colorado)

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

#21432649
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25822) - you deserved it (1915)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

#21432636
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23539) - you deserved it (1573)

On 06/27/2015 at 1:48am - work - by *cough* *cough* you're a dickface (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

#21432612
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22726) - you deserved it (2140)

On 06/27/2015 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22850) - you deserved it (7448)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

#21432333
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24448) - you deserved it (1963)

On 06/26/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Zambia

Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML

#21431843
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25546) - you deserved it (2066)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by childofcrazy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

#21431146
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26969) - you deserved it (1563)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by zaynemaliksvagina (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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