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FML with : head

Number of results : 753

Today, my whack job of a father told my 8-year-old son that his cat deserves a bullet to the head for being so damn stupid. FML

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

#21519950
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20500) - you deserved it (1829)

On 01/27/2016 at 2:59am - work - by NotYourToy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, two teen girls got into a shouting match at the table next to mine at the food court. Sensing a fight brewing, I got up to leave. I stood up just in time for one of the girls to throw her tray, which missed her target and hit me in the head. FML

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

#21516540
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (2602)

On 01/18/2016 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Benguet)

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

#21513076
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (1176)

On 01/09/2016 at 12:25am - work - by retail can shart a cock - United States

Today, I was messing around and tried to catch a piece of cereal in my mouth. I accidentally slammed my head on the counter behind my couch. FML

Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML

#21509677
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23068) - you deserved it (4627)

On 12/31/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by DesperateToBeDad (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I got a concussion at work. Our resident schizophrenic decided to test how gravity worked by dropping a torch over the bannister directly onto my head. I'm still seeing stars. FML

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

#21497413
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23080) - you deserved it (2466)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

#21497110
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24789) - you deserved it (1996)

On 11/26/2015 at 3:24pm - money - by NoBasement4U - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

#21496891
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11656) - you deserved it (27846)

On 11/26/2015 at 12:35am - misc - by clumsy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

#21490780
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25841) - you deserved it (9629)

On 11/10/2015 at 10:54am - misc - by CoffeeStained - United States (Kentucky)

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

#21487113
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25542) - you deserved it (6791)

On 11/01/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

#21486101
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29218) - you deserved it (1489)

On 10/30/2015 at 9:43am - health - by an egg - United States (Michigan)



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