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FML with : masturbating
Number of results : 79
Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML
Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML
Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML
Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML