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FML with : Shit

Number of results : 354

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27663) - you deserved it (2303)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29342) - you deserved it (1944)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

#21392323
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28039) - you deserved it (2446)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (2851)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31232) - you deserved it (2128)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

#21390594
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26727) - you deserved it (3209)

On 04/09/2015 at 11:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

#21389247
101 comments

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27333) - you deserved it (2755)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

#21385144
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28811) - you deserved it (3094)

On 04/01/2015 at 2:06am - love - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

#21382942
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26933) - you deserved it (1846)

On 03/28/2015 at 11:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

#21382495
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11209) - you deserved it (37433)

On 03/27/2015 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

#21381329
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31329) - you deserved it (4074)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

#21380708
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (3534)

On 03/24/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by faaail - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27306) - you deserved it (2063)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

#21371880
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67) - you deserved it (3802)

On 03/10/2015 at 2:43pm - kids - by LameChef (man) - Poland



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