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FML with : poop

Number of results : 111

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

#21501325
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19777) - you deserved it (1984)

On 12/07/2015 at 11:38pm - animals - by shitlicker - United States (California)

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

#21496534
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25524) - you deserved it (2650)

On 11/25/2015 at 1:00am - kids - by coolest_mom (woman) -

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

#21494104
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20570) - you deserved it (2689)

On 11/18/2015 at 6:40pm - animals - by jlujan00 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

#21493073
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30417) - you deserved it (3106)

On 11/16/2015 at 1:44am - intimacy - by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

#21485648
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20195) - you deserved it (2338)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:35pm - animals - by Alaska - United States

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

#21462289
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22045) - you deserved it (2048)

On 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

#21460549
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25133) - you deserved it (1753)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33421) - you deserved it (4609)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom meant to send a picture of her poop to my aunt, but sent it to my swim coach instead. FML

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26578) - you deserved it (3774)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

#21433955
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25451) - you deserved it (1697)

On 06/29/2015 at 5:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

#21412861
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27438) - you deserved it (4320)

On 05/20/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by KittKatt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

#21411568
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26447) - you deserved it (2021)

On 05/17/2015 at 5:27pm - work - by lily_marleen (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML



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