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FML with : spider

Number of results : 110

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

#21449022
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19306) - you deserved it (9148)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (1645)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23651) - you deserved it (11522)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

#21414635
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16063) - you deserved it (22343)

On 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm - animals - by uwotm8 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111) - you deserved it (4923)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

#21365080
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36345) - you deserved it (2422)

On 02/28/2015 at 4:04am - health - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

#21347765
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (2724)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:13pm - health - by Why's it so cold in here? - United States

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

#21316166
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (4290)

On 12/12/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by lateralligator - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

#21302674
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33317) - you deserved it (2969)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

#21298452
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44151) - you deserved it (3483)

On 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

#21291439
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33883) - you deserved it (5234)

On 11/03/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by Not A Pervert - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (29644)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44637) - you deserved it (3590)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

#21229943
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38342) - you deserved it (17670)

On 08/05/2014 at 8:31am - kids - by ihatespiders (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

#21167015
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43977) - you deserved it (6278)

On 06/08/2014 at 11:10am - love - by eightleggedtictac - United States (Massachusetts)



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