Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML with : cum

Number of results : 105

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML

#21524955
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6607) - you deserved it (35209)

On 02/10/2016 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by nickncik (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML

#21517390
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17523) - you deserved it (9630)

On 01/20/2016 at 2:20pm - misc - by Jennifer (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiance and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

#21514623
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (1433)

On 01/13/2016 at 3:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

#21508031
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19935) - you deserved it (2807)

On 12/26/2015 at 8:41am - misc - by -__- (woman) -

Today, my fiancé finally went to a therapy session with me because of the difficult circumstances we are facing. Afterwards, he shouted at me for "talking to someone about our problems". I told him that's kind of the point of therapy. Now he's sulking. FML

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

#21478930
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26784) - you deserved it (1575)

On 10/12/2015 at 5:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my scumfuck brother and his friends spent my baby sister's funeral snickering and telling dead baby jokes to one another. FML

#21470076
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41214) - you deserved it (1824)

On 09/18/2015 at 11:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

#21470063
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31850) - you deserved it (2810)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:56pm - intimacy - by Lady Vulva of the Redwater (woman) -

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

#21461238
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20856) - you deserved it (5548)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:37am - work - by Anon (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous by that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

#21454765
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21427) - you deserved it (3421)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:22pm - misc - by it's awkward - United States (California)

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24038) - you deserved it (2684)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (2859)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32827) - you deserved it (2371)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

#21409928
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34218) - you deserved it (7698)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: