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FML with : penis
Number of results : 266
Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML
Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML
Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML
Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML