Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML with : fml

Number of results : 30740

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

#21448923
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6593) - you deserved it (1943)

On 07/29/2015 at 2:15am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

#21448838
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8605) - you deserved it (544)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:04pm - work - by jlmbull - United States (Michigan)

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

#21448834
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8994) - you deserved it (549)

On 07/28/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by smellslikeahangover - United States (California)

Today, I went to Mayan ruins in Guatemala and I climbed one of the massive temples and after climbing up 91 steep limestone stairs, I fell right back down in front of boatloads of tourists. Oh yeah, I broke 2 ribs too. FML

#21448723
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8777) - you deserved it (941)

On 07/28/2015 at 7:23pm - misc - by max_432 - Belize (Belize)

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

#21448654
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9647) - you deserved it (724)

On 07/28/2015 at 4:44pm - work - by Application - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

#21448605
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8383) - you deserved it (3756)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

#21448563
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17013) - you deserved it (1938)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm - misc - by Oopsie - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

#21448527
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15296) - you deserved it (1318)

On 07/28/2015 at 11:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

#21448499
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14248) - you deserved it (814)

On 07/28/2015 at 9:14am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18307) - you deserved it (2498)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16769) - you deserved it (1855)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19988) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17121) - you deserved it (1223)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (1566)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20620) - you deserved it (1908)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: