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FML with : sex

Number of results : 1339

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
5 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162) - you deserved it (10)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - work - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

#21113897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26388) - you deserved it (2487)

On 04/15/2014 at 5:55pm - love - by gerontofuck (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36026) - you deserved it (4128)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

#21112140
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33859) - you deserved it (3812)

On 04/13/2014 at 6:16pm - misc - by -.- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

#21110643
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37665) - you deserved it (2585)

On 04/11/2014 at 9:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39381) - you deserved it (5665)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36206) - you deserved it (27286)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35282) - you deserved it (3738)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while we were having sex, my boyfriend asked me, "Who's your daddy?" I actually started thinking about my father. Total buzzkill. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

#21091327
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34772) - you deserved it (4682)

On 03/19/2014 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39270) - you deserved it (3233)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

#21081103
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39755) - you deserved it (11143)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:23am - love - by biwhat (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

#21080573
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37098) - you deserved it (18725)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

#21072334
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36844) - you deserved it (3650)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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