FML with : sex

Number of results : 1703

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

by spaceavery / 09/24/2016 at 12:53am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

by tequilashot / 09/20/2016 at 12:40am / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, my wife announced she had a sexy surprise for me. Turns out she got a Brazilian wax, which is a huge turn-off for me. Not only could I not get it up, I got to hear all about how much her last boyfriend loved it. FML.

by HairToStay / 09/19/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

by Undersexed / 09/14/2016 at 6:01pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

by thacupcakeassassin / 09/13/2016 at 1:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. Afterwards, when he thought I was asleep, I caught him jacking off to porn. His defense: "Why should you be the only one to get off multiple times?" I got off once, from the toy he used, pre-sex. He then got mad at me for catching him. FML

by kaijen / 09/09/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my housemate and I had rough passionate sex in every room of the house. Being that I'm 18 and he's 32, it was a new thing for me. I just received a call from my mother stating that they would not be paying for the baby they watched us make through their wireless cams in our house. FML

by BabsZilla / 09/04/2016 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

by forever alone / 08/30/2016 at 9:55am / Trinidad and Tobago (San Fernando) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2016 at 11:18am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I shaved my vagina for the first time ever. Had sex with my husband and then asked if he liked that. He said, "You've done that before, though". I haven't. We've been married 15 years. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2016 at 2:16am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

by BatBee / 08/02/2016 at 10:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the woman who has been secretly sexting my husband for the last two months is my new co-worker. I have to train her. FML

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

by sexisdead / 07/31/2016 at 1:16pm / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex during the first trimester, "just to be safe". He has no evidence to back this, but now my husband is too scared to touch me. FML

by 2.5-long-months / 07/28/2016 at 9:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 4:32pm / Intimacy