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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2685

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

#21437483
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17165) - you deserved it (7923)

On 07/06/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by --- - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

#21435445
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21606) - you deserved it (1398)

On 07/02/2015 at 4:25pm - love - by soo -

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

#21435249
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22417) - you deserved it (2911) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/02/2015 at 12:30am - misc - by Smeagogole - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, we had a long meeting at work about how we are supposed to feel safe, and to come to the managers if we have any problems. I decided to speak up about a coworker that has been harassing me and several others. My manager laughed at me and walked away. FML

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22403) - you deserved it (2113)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

#21432890
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24496) - you deserved it (4167)

On 06/27/2015 at 3:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30838) - you deserved it (2146)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

#21432491
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25247) - you deserved it (2600)

On 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by tycrist8 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the new girl told me that a guy at the back of the class was being creepy. I looked over and saw him picking his nose and flinging boogers at the girls sitting in the front. That guy is my boyfriend. FML

#21431826
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26205) - you deserved it (5918)

On 06/25/2015 at 3:16pm - misc - by sweetsixteenyay - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

#21431507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (8103)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by WhyIHateTeachers - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

#21431146
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27221) - you deserved it (1564)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by zaynemaliksvagina (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29362) - you deserved it (1258)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen so I went to work. On my walk to work a girl pulls up on my bike and says I need to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. Hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass as police surround me and accuse me of stealing my own bike. FML

#21429443
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25475) - you deserved it (1438)

On 06/21/2015 at 9:29am - misc - by cwell88 (man) -

Today, some asshat ran onto the road and tried and jump over my car as I drove by. He didn't make the jump. FML

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML



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