FML with : ass

Number of results : 3082

Today, I sat down for class. The second I sat down, the guy next to me stood up and moved all the way to the other side of the class. FML

by MrLonelyHertz / 08/24/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML

by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

by leah_kascar / 08/21/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML

by Noah / 08/16/2016 at 2:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my boyfriend came home from a trip early without telling me. When I got to his house and saw his car there, I texted him and said, "Oh you asshole". About five minutes later, I got a text from my boss asking if that text was for him. FML

by DuckyDew / 08/16/2016 at 1:51pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

by ihatemyjob / 08/15/2016 at 3:12pm / Work

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

by Epithymia / 08/15/2016 at 11:09am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

by Sean / 08/14/2016 at 12:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I got yelled at in my office. It's construction, and I'm the youngest woman. One of my male bosses yelled at me because grown-ass adults won't sign in the log. Either I get my ass kicked by construction guys over a sign-in sheet, or yelled at by my boss. I can't win. FML

by xAdtrx3x / 08/11/2016 at 2:16pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2016 at 8:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, a customer made a huge scene at work because all of our reading glasses are made in China, and apparently any "moral" person should be repulsed by that. FML

by idiocy Trumps reason / 08/10/2016 at 11:32am / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 11:43am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. Instead, it's digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband's ass cheek because he can't reach it himself. FML

by snazz23 / 08/05/2016 at 11:58am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

by TheVagabond_SRG / 08/02/2016 at 2:46am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

by so embarrassing / 08/02/2016 at 2:27am / United States (Washington) / Transportation