Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML with : fuck

Number of results : 168

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

#21399079
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36967) - you deserved it (2440)

On 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Laois)

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

#21391907
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33285) - you deserved it (2608)

On 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28918) - you deserved it (5469)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28493) - you deserved it (3033)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

#21380370
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26231) - you deserved it (13958)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:04pm - misc - by Li - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27312) - you deserved it (3226)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

#21372539
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31172) - you deserved it (3225)

On 03/11/2015 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69) - you deserved it (4886)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

#21366438
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35025) - you deserved it (3864)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:04am - intimacy - by donotbelieveinsecondchances (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

#21365892
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34214) - you deserved it (2581)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29762) - you deserved it (2487)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32546) - you deserved it (2103)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14658) - you deserved it (38302)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24577) - you deserved it (2133)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34179) - you deserved it (2314)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: