FML with : 1

Number of results : 2109

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

by disappointed / 06/30/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I went to work using the train. While on the train, I fell asleep. I woke up 130km late. FML

by Code_Skull / 06/30/2016 at 2:53am / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, due to summer Ramadan, we have 16 hour long fasts. Normally this is okay, except today I managed to sleep through both suhoor and iftaar. I haven't eaten for 36 hours. FML

Today, I'm 20 years old and I just did a fucking paper route. For $10. It's probably the most money I'll make all week. FML

by nightwing15 / 06/29/2016 at 2:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

by why me / 06/29/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

by DesperateMother / 06/28/2016 at 6:12am / France (Alsace) / Kids

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2016 at 8:22am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2016 at 8:36am / Hungary (Budapest) / Health

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

by darkangel7410 / 06/22/2016 at 4:37am / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I was going to take my father to dinner for Father's Day. It all would have gone according to plan, but he saw my Facebook post about a 12-hour stomach virus I had yesterday, so he went out fishing with his friends instead without telling me because he didn't want to catch my "disease." FML

by crispyjello69 / 06/19/2016 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 10:09am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while I was lifeguarding a swim meet with over 100 patrons, a duck paid a visit to our pool. He sat down and a brown cloud surfaced in the water. He immediately flew off. My manager then made me put goggles on and scoop out the poop while everyone watched. FML

by 1sasafras1 / 06/17/2016 at 12:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

by Still No Ring / 06/15/2016 at 5:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML

by gross / 06/11/2016 at 3:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML

by reasonablysingle / 06/10/2016 at 11:27pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous