Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Number of results : 1820

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

#21393492
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28025) - you deserved it (2255)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:49am - health - by TheGoodSister - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

#21392789
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32378) - you deserved it (2245)

On 04/13/2015 at 5:00am - misc - by yupthissucks - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26436) - you deserved it (2858)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

#21392253
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25700) - you deserved it (2021)

On 04/12/2015 at 6:33am - kids - by anon - United States (California)

Today, after getting a pay raise at work after 15 years and pulling a loan for a new house, I went back to work from a two-week paid vacation to find out that I had been fired two weeks ago for "no call, no show". My manager claims he doesn't recall ever signing a paper for my paid vacation. FML

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28895) - you deserved it (4587)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

#21390076
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18705) - you deserved it (15118)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by losing the plot (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

#21390007
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33244) - you deserved it (3540)

On 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

#21388075
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28809) - you deserved it (2747)

On 04/05/2015 at 2:03pm - misc - by supercharged - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was reprimanded at work for having a low friendliness rating as a cashier. For two months, out of 1500 transactions, only 3 people filled out the survey. I almost got fired because 1 out of 3 people was mad about a coupon. FML

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

#21382971
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28126) - you deserved it (3463)

On 03/28/2015 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (5312)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

#21381199
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26686) - you deserved it (3204)

On 03/25/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by peele - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26347) - you deserved it (2518)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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