FML with : dog

Number of results : 1001

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2016 at 1:22pm / Intimacy

Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

by AnnoyedAggie16 / 12/05/2016 at 4:14am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2016 at 1:34am / Animals

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

by NotTHATbad / 11/19/2016 at 12:26pm / Intimacy

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

by idiot / 11/19/2016 at 1:48am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, to keep my dog from barking in my ear in the car, I put a buzz collar on him. It worked: he barked once, the collar vibrated, he shut up. Then, his 75 pounds trembling in terror, he pissed himself and all over the back seat. FML

by ThatBackfired / 11/17/2016 at 10:51am / Animals

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

by thisisstupid_17 / 11/16/2016 at 9:47am / Intimacy

Today, my mum called me at work in hysterics, saying she had just been arrested and that I needed to get her dog from her house. I had no idea why she was arrested. I hear nothing from her until 1 a.m. when she calls, waking me up. The first words out of her mouth are, "How's the dog?" FML

Today, for the 16th day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

by Alittlebitiffy / 11/14/2016 at 7:42am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I argued with my dog for ten minutes because she refused to go outside and pee. FML

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

by ConfusedGinger / 11/10/2016 at 6:50am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

by Dirtbikesnowboard / 11/09/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

by CanadianEH / 11/08/2016 at 6:39pm / Animals

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2016 at 8:50am / Work

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

by nomorepups / 10/31/2016 at 10:54am / Animals