FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

by Trainer Calypso / 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

by stupid / 11/24/2014 at 2:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

by loner / 11/14/2014 at 6:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Geek

Today, I left my desk to go to the bathroom. I arrived back at my desk to a large package of SlimQuick packets. Guess my coworkers think I need to lose weight. FML

by blondieforlife / 11/03/2014 at 10:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2014 at 9:39pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2014 at 1:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

by iliveformystery / 10/31/2014 at 11:56am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 10:10am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

by Chansus10 / 10/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work