FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

by sarika / 07/23/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML

by childofcrazy / 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML

by mallycat14 / 06/25/2015 at 12:26pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML

by 1010110100101101 / 06/19/2015 at 12:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

by WellThatWasRude / 05/25/2015 at 2:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

by LolaBell / 04/24/2015 at 10:12am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

by Notthatone / 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

by BirthdayBoy / 03/27/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 12:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

by confused / 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, after swallowing my birth control pill, I threw up all over myself. I then had to search through my puke to find my birth control pill and attempt to re-take it. FML

by denaeb123 / 02/21/2015 at 11:34pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

by LP / 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

by TJFuentes / 02/11/2015 at 8:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous