FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

by Aaron / 08/26/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

by sarskii / 08/16/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

by Proudlyintp / 08/13/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 1:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

by RachelVanLannen9 / 07/11/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

by Really? / 07/10/2010 at 10:57am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2010 at 3:31pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

by ihatelaura / 05/15/2010 at 7:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

by bitten / 05/15/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health