FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

by cs / 02/12/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML

by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

by Missy / 02/02/2011 at 1:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I've been paying student fees for the wrong account. Apparently I have been paying for some other student's tuition. FML

by AlreadyInDebt / 01/26/2011 at 3:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 7:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I went out to my car only to find my battery had died the night before. With the wind chill, it was -20°F outside. With the hood open, and jumper cables in one hand, I tried to flag down a passing motorist for help. A man in a truck slowed down, sarcastically waved at me, and kept driving. FML

by dwhitehouse / 01/21/2011 at 4:50pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, after some filing mistakes, and a lot of waiting on hold, I'm finally registered for Spring classes. I was ready to enjoy this term, until I found out that my ex, who was forced into therapy after he threatened to kill me, is in half of my classes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

by bunnyyy / 01/07/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

by sick / 01/06/2011 at 7:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I was straightening my hair for my Christmas Eve party. I put the hot straighter down on my bed for a second, and zoned out enough to sit squarely on it a few moments later. I now have burns on my ass cheek, and a six-hour party at which I can't even sit down. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 11:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 3:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

by fufu_mutt / 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

by Wisconsin love / 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy