FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I found out that getting caught in a barbed wire fence isn't as bad as it sounds. Running through a forest at night, tripping over one, rolling down an embankment, and getting swiped by a car, however, is. FML

by Why_Not31 / 09/01/2011 at 5:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 10:12am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML

by en3rg1zer21 / 08/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

by Mitcha857 / 07/30/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

by Bekah / 07/04/2011 at 9:24am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

by Katie / 06/23/2011 at 12:39pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

by sarahwittman / 06/13/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

by Ryan / 06/11/2011 at 10:24am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 10:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

by Sue / 03/26/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

by bitchyskier / 02/26/2011 at 4:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health