FMLs submitted from Western Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

by anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 7:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

by Mumbling Mutt101 / 08/15/2011 at 2:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

by Jessica / 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

by Emily / 07/06/2011 at 4:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

by Qwerty / 06/28/2011 at 12:10pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

by Mad / 06/26/2011 at 9:14pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2011 at 4:28am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

by SickandTired / 03/22/2011 at 12:59pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

by sharni88 / 03/04/2011 at 2:13am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

by WhatsThatSmell / 02/25/2011 at 8:25am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

by shaunaaa / 02/17/2011 at 5:39am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 12:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 5:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work