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FMLs submitted from Western Australia

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang, I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

#21518044
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19767) - you deserved it (7406)

On 01/22/2016 at 12:47am - animals - by swag papi - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at a very important meeting with a client and I had to use the bathroom. I was so nervous that I squirted white soap all up my suit jacket. My client walked in and commented on my "jizzy" blazer. FML

#21516509
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18532) - you deserved it (1939)

On 01/18/2016 at 5:50am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML

#21507994
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21431) - you deserved it (3873)

On 12/26/2015 at 3:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while working as a barista, a customer asked me for "gluten free milk". When I told her that most milk is gluten free, she flew into a fit of rage and cussed me out for being a "cheeky bitch". My manager then lectured me about not being "patronising" to customers. FML

#21502119
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21080) - you deserved it (2500)

On 12/10/2015 at 12:29am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

#21495827
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23698) - you deserved it (8814)

On 11/23/2015 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

#21491931
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24687) - you deserved it (2018)

On 11/13/2015 at 12:24am - health - by MeAgainDr... (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

#21464873
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20757) - you deserved it (9604)

On 09/05/2015 at 1:36pm - health - by the poor man - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

#21463092
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28938) - you deserved it (4817)

On 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm - kids - by laurencoc - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (2684)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

#21445713
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10240) - you deserved it (35737)

On 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm - misc - by sucked_in - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

#21431603
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25667) - you deserved it (2190)

On 06/25/2015 at 3:06am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

#21430061
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30676) - you deserved it (2506)

On 06/22/2015 at 10:41am - intimacy - by bonzo - Australia (Western Australia)



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