FMLs submitted from Wellington

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:11am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

by pissfaced / 01/02/2010 at 8:41am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired by one of my bosses for doing something the other boss told me to do. I work for a family company. Turns out my bosses are going through a divorce and will do anything to prove the other wrong. FML

by Anon / 11/24/2009 at 8:54pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, I have to go to the dentist to get a tooth capped. Why? Because my room mate knows I sleepwalk and thought it would be funny to put a trip wire across the top of the stairs. It worked. FML

by CB / 11/18/2009 at 8:30pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Health

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 1:42am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

by Rizzle / 10/04/2009 at 3:50am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Animals

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

by fmlxxxx / 09/23/2009 at 9:15am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Holidays

Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML

by Unloved. / 09/15/2009 at 6:09am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 5:13am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

by cosmonaut / 08/07/2009 at 5:18am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML

by failedmusician / 06/03/2009 at 6:06am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

by AquaRevolver / 05/25/2009 at 6:35am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous