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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

#21054692
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43079) - you deserved it (3869)

On 02/08/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by sciencesadness (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

#21049518
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56892) - you deserved it (6490)

On 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by well i'm fucked (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59266) - you deserved it (11480)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47642) - you deserved it (9680)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

#21011264
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38728) - you deserved it (3075)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42516) - you deserved it (9975)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

#21005822
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36244) - you deserved it (2711)

On 12/26/2013 at 1:48am - misc - by thanks_world - United States (Washington)

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

#20998821
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39697) - you deserved it (4451)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by whatjusthappened (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

#20997988
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40312) - you deserved it (3943)

On 12/19/2013 at 12:20pm - money - by you fucking idiot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

#20994581
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43704) - you deserved it (6335)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by abc123 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

#20994387
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33455) - you deserved it (9630)

On 12/16/2013 at 3:52am - animals - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (2956)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

#20985907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46545) - you deserved it (3064)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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