FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

by godzilllla / 08/07/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

by gerbilmaster / 07/09/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 3:20pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 9:45pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

by I'm an adult! / 07/02/2015 at 3:16pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

by fat and broke / 06/28/2015 at 3:17am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, a cute guy asked me if I was single. When I said yes, he said "Yeah, you look like the type", and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

by bootyislife / 06/16/2015 at 4:01pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

by Dig4life / 06/05/2015 at 9:42am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

by thankyouforcalling / 06/01/2015 at 6:46pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML

by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML

by alekoi / 05/13/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.