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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

#4956234
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37635) - you deserved it (10373)

On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

#4854965
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51409) - you deserved it (3919)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by catlady5569 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36082) - you deserved it (6904)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML

#4753654
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7273) - you deserved it (28264)

On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding." FML

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML

#4673205
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10632) - you deserved it (96033)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML

#4651685
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38413) - you deserved it (8296)

On 08/19/2009 at 8:11am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

#4623862
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40547) - you deserved it (9054)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

#4589153
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19127) - you deserved it (44022)

On 08/17/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by tailgaterhater - United States (Washington)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22927) - you deserved it (52924)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

#4442846
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14256) - you deserved it (41695)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Amanda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

#4428551
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8976) - you deserved it (68126)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by hitandrun (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14950) - you deserved it (52698)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)



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