FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

by hated / 12/27/2009 at 10:14pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

by Icy / 12/27/2009 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

by Cheap / 12/27/2009 at 3:34am / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

by Fatty / 12/27/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

by Humbug / 12/26/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

by Secretisout / 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

by embaressed / 12/19/2009 at 4:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

by chill / 12/17/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:49am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

by ouch / 12/12/2009 at 3:36pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

by nofinal / 12/10/2009 at 1:34am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML

by damncat / 12/08/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Washington) / Animals