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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28877) - you deserved it (7230)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

#5416857
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53418) - you deserved it (4135)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by carnivore (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

#5369923
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34015) - you deserved it (1765)

On 09/20/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by PoorCar (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

#5243722
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28017) - you deserved it (4328)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:20am - animals - by catpeecathy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML

#5163293
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34963) - you deserved it (5937)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:02am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

#5136668
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18413) - you deserved it (3976)

On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

#5136505
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28167) - you deserved it (2789)

On 09/08/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked. Then said "You know he can't swim right?" FML

#5044657
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6802) - you deserved it (57238)

On 09/04/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by babydoll13211 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

#4956234
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31470) - you deserved it (8109)

On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML

#4854965
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43460) - you deserved it (2815)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by catlady5569 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34396) - you deserved it (6702)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML

#4753654
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5498) - you deserved it (24475)

On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding." FML



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