FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:48am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2010 at 1:29am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

by dumbass1991 / 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

by unfortunatelyunlucky / 12/12/2010 at 2:17am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 2:02am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

by fulloshit / 11/27/2010 at 9:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

by Heyy / 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

by sydysyd / 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 2:38pm / United States (Washington) / Work