FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

by snydeeli000 / 10/26/2015 at 11:41pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

by NotASpiderMan / 10/11/2015 at 12:10am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML

by cougar26 / 09/24/2015 at 12:42pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2015 at 10:08pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

by WhyM3Th0ugh / 09/10/2015 at 7:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

by stupidrobot / 09/03/2015 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

by thegrandchawhee / 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

by Why Me / 08/12/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom meant to send a picture of her poop to my aunt, but sent it to my swim coach instead. FML

by kobolobo / 08/11/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

by godzilllla / 08/07/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

by gerbilmaster / 07/09/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (Washington) / Health