FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 1:25am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

by again? / 03/15/2016 at 6:03am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

by Anon / 03/15/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, a student came out to me, saying that she thinks she's gay. This has happened several times since I have taught here, which made me wonder why they were comfortable telling me. Turns out being a single, childless woman of my age screams "lesbian" to this particular community. I'm not. FML

by phalangesenfuego / 03/10/2016 at 9:07am / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML

by atleasthelistened / 03/09/2016 at 3:04am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I learned that my housemate used a dry vacuum to unclog the toilet before moving out and then didn't change the vacuum bag. He left several weeks ago. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2016 at 3:49pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

by marriedbutlonely / 02/14/2016 at 9:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

by LL / 02/04/2016 at 9:13am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

by my face though / 01/25/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

by BURGERT0WN USA / 01/10/2016 at 2:46pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

by ywouldudomelikethat / 01/03/2016 at 3:02pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I told my friend I was considering adopting a dog. She looked at me like I was Satan and went on a rant about how dogs are "born evil" and will always maul someone given the chance. I still have the marks from when one of her psycho cats sliced open my arm last month. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2015 at 1:06pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, my mom decided that my hair was too long and that she was going to cut it. I now look like a male extra from Xanadu. FML

by ImTheAlpha / 12/23/2015 at 6:56pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.