FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

by so unsexy / 08/04/2016 at 5:32pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

by so embarrassing / 08/02/2016 at 2:27am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 2:40am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

by mattlikesfunions / 07/18/2016 at 2:56pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

by crybaby / 06/28/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

by DogBeater / 06/20/2016 at 9:21pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2016 at 3:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to act on my therapist's advice and ask my crush out. She turned me down because I'm apparently too much of a downer. The reason I have a therapist is because I'm depressed. FML

by Bleiz / 06/14/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I overheard my ex bragging to his buddies about how freaky his new girlfriend is, what with her animal tail butt plugs and such. Towards the end of our relationship, he called me disgusting for suggesting we spice things up with handcuffs. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 1:15pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, as a Uber driver, a passenger requested a ride at 5:30 a.m. so he could go a half block to the McDonald's drive thru and back. FML

by aviationgeek / 05/18/2016 at 2:18pm / United States (Washington) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.