FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

by dumbo / 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

by danyelicindereli / 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 12:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

by bagpipesrkmywrld / 05/26/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

by Wick / 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

by Droolgirl / 05/25/2009 at 9:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

by duhitskelly94 / 05/24/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

by thisreallyhappened / 05/14/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

by BlueBallMcGee / 05/11/2009 at 8:08am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy