FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 9:20am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

by anon / 06/04/2009 at 7:35am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2009 at 1:40am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

by dumbo / 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

by danyelicindereli / 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 12:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

by bagpipesrkmywrld / 05/26/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

by Wick / 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

by Droolgirl / 05/25/2009 at 9:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

by duhitskelly94 / 05/24/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was looking over some old notes from high school when I came across a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I'm 25. I haven't accomplished a single one. I'm 26. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous