FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

by RKE / 11/04/2009 at 9:12pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

by burned / 11/04/2009 at 5:12am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

by doglover / 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

by Kailey / 10/27/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at ATandT getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML

by LTJFP / 10/25/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that sometimes I forget to turn off my desk light when I leave the room for dinner. I also learned that said desk light can get hot enough to melt plastic, which is why my brand-new laptop screen was literally oozing onto the table top when I got back. FML

by iplaytwister / 10/22/2009 at 5:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

by munckncruncj15 / 10/22/2009 at 12:19am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

by Raiders4ever / 10/20/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

by Alyssa / 10/19/2009 at 3:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy