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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

#4596913
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64119) - you deserved it (14136)

On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a customer spilled her drink all over the counter. After I cleaned up her spill and remade the drink (for free), she exclaimed "Thanks! I should really tip you!" Then she turned around, walked directly past the tip jar, and left the store. FML

#4511734
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46271) - you deserved it (3266)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

#4472347
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48574) - you deserved it (4979)

On 08/12/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by CosmicJoke (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

#4460221
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43183) - you deserved it (5703)

On 08/11/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

#4448908
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50045) - you deserved it (19828)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Teamarie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

#4426507
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67171) - you deserved it (8754)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

#4412504
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40931) - you deserved it (10026)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by grabber (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

#4306015
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44130) - you deserved it (8029)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by towelwindow (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

#4253042
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42011) - you deserved it (37497)

On 08/03/2009 at 11:08am - work - by MickeyDManager (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56581) - you deserved it (3904)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60848) - you deserved it (18121)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43238) - you deserved it (27651)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

#4156027
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56785) - you deserved it (3426)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew



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