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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today... mah friend had ditchd me for a party I hadn't been invitd to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in mah house was the mosquito I nicknamd Frd. I likd to watch Frd fly around and try to suck mah blood. 20 minute later... I found Frd's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57484) - you deserved it (17245)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". fat FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41186) - you deserved it (26579)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, mah two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". fat FML

#4156027
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55644) - you deserved it (3328)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today , My 50-year-old Mother Borrowed My Denim Miniskirt To Go To The Bar. In Return , She Offered To Let Me Borrow Her Red ( F*** Me ) Pumps Whenever I Needed Them. Real FML

#4061190
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38357) - you deserved it (2923)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by mvp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

2day I was walking troug a eavy door at work..!! so I reaced beind me to catc it so it wouldn't slam sut!! Little did I know tat my boss was walking troug rigt after me!! Instead of catcing te door..!! I caugt a andful of is crotc!! FML

#3982111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46236) - you deserved it (4944)

On 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by bossgroper (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost mah key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later I found mah key. In mah pocket. real FML

#3929257
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11993) - you deserved it (54495)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

#3879305
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49408) - you deserved it (4217)

On 07/19/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used mah boss's address, an wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, an he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confrmation email, though.

#3777907
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8441) - you deserved it (52968)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Alex - United States (Virginia)

I went to the water park, an got in a line on a starcase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying grl was being lead down the stars being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

#3681487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51294) - you deserved it (2265)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting mah neighbors kids fir the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping looool around like a horse, oh, an a bald spot on the back of mah head. FML

#3620845
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19115) - you deserved it (54710)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)

today my coworker cummed over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, cuz I had unknowingly made them public . My tweet include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, variou cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers . FML

#3531559
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7208) - you deserved it (75868)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today My Drunk Boyfriend Thought It Would Be A Good Idea To Light A Firework In The Back Seat Of My Car While We Were Driving Down The Interstate. FML

#3486397
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40351) - you deserved it (6073)

On 07/04/2009 at 6:48pm - misc - by litup (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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