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Today... mah friend had ditchd me for a party I hadn't been invitd to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in mah house was the mosquito I nicknamd Frd. I likd to watch Frd fly around and try to suck mah blood. 20 minute later... I found Frd's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
2day I was walking troug a eavy door at work..!! so I reaced beind me to catc it so it wouldn't slam sut!! Little did I know tat my boss was walking troug rigt after me!! Instead of catcing te door..!! I caugt a andful of is crotc!! FML
Today I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost mah key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later I found mah key. In mah pocket. real FML
Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used mah boss's address, an wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, an he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confrmation email, though.
I went to the water park, an got in a line on a starcase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying grl was being lead down the stars being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting mah neighbors kids fir the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping looool around like a horse, oh, an a bald spot on the back of mah head. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
today my coworker cummed over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, cuz I had unknowingly made them public . My tweet include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, variou cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers . FML
Friday 27 March 2015