FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

by kebaby / 06/19/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

by anonomus / 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

by twnty1 / 05/31/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

by lonelyandbored / 05/30/2010 at 8:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

by Teaching26 / 05/15/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

by BigBangrocksthenight / 04/02/2010 at 8:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

by lonelyniceguy / 03/24/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

by BadtoWorse / 03/23/2010 at 10:51am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

by Anna / 03/18/2010 at 8:20am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

by oww / 03/09/2010 at 6:14am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

by Catois / 03/05/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

by Ringless / 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous