FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

by Hungrytoothbrush / 03/07/2012 at 5:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

by Tommy / 03/06/2012 at 1:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

by thatoneperson / 02/17/2012 at 7:43am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2012 at 12:24am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

by sickandtiredofit / 01/24/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML

by anonymous / 01/08/2012 at 7:24am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, I was bombarded with pictures of my little sister's Christmas present. It was a huge engagement ring. I got broken up with in public on Christmas eve. FML

by foreveralonecatlady / 12/28/2011 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

by Sleep Deprived / 12/25/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

by ThinZ / 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

by jriese444 / 12/23/2011 at 10:45am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

by Rumpkis / 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

by brokeandalone / 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids