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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

#18587898
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (2819)

On 12/23/2011 at 10:45am - misc - by jriese444 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

#18430652
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43127) - you deserved it (17328)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by Rumpkis (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

#18302011
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (3482)

On 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm - kids - by brokeandalone (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

#18183017
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17014) - you deserved it (33781)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:53am - money - by Luke - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

#18174225
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23808) - you deserved it (3473)

On 11/06/2011 at 12:43pm - health - by panickygrl (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

#18014210
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23690) - you deserved it (3883)

On 10/18/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaleesadavis21 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

#17995977
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27124) - you deserved it (2882)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:06am - misc - by ThanksChris (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while taking my drivers license test. FML

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

#17965176
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24991) - you deserved it (3764)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

#17892959
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38126) - you deserved it (4251)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

#17845404
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27585) - you deserved it (17479)

On 09/27/2011 at 2:22am - love - by dilligaf - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

#17845071
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21244) - you deserved it (2401)

On 09/27/2011 at 1:18am - work - by CathyM - United States (Virginia)

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

#17834355
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (2756)

On 09/25/2011 at 9:57pm - work - by Chan - United States (Virginia)



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