FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

by Uh_Oh_Bro / 07/24/2016 at 1:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

by i fuckin love habaneros / 07/22/2016 at 3:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

by Grosssss / 07/15/2016 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

by ThirdWheelHell / 06/30/2016 at 2:07am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML

by hlewrn / 06/21/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I found out I got a 97 on my physics final exam. I was curious about the question I missed, so I went up to my teacher and asked. He was very confused and checked my grade again before telling me, "Oh my bad, it was meant to be a 79." FML

by Jokkim / 06/20/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

by confused_cashier / 06/11/2016 at 9:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 3:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

by UnboundA / 06/07/2016 at 12:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

by muaythaiboss / 05/22/2016 at 1:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

by TotallyDeservedIt / 05/19/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the laundromat. I loaded a huge load into the top dryer, put all the quarters in, and started the bottom one. I realized my mistake when I came to check on it. FML

by anonymous / 05/16/2016 at 8:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2016 at 12:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous