FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I was given a building key that students aren't supposed to have because they'll lose it. I told my coach I wouldn't lose the key. The same key disappeared not even 20 minutes later without a trace. I still can't find it, and it's been an hour. FML

by rosecolas / 11/12/2016 at 8:36am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

by _sourdiesel7 / 11/10/2016 at 6:39pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

by shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it / 11/07/2016 at 7:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my fiancé asked me how soon I wanted him to move out. FML

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

by eyebags / 10/10/2016 at 9:04am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2016 at 9:20am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

by RickTooBomb / 10/05/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 8:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

by AloneAgainNaturally / 09/09/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML

by FriendlessLoser / 08/17/2016 at 3:11am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I sent a text to my volleyball group chat congratulating everyone who made the school team, which I hadn't. Someone removed me from the conversation. FML

by washcaps / 08/03/2016 at 10:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.