FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

by anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 12:16am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

by livingstonjamie / 01/13/2015 at 3:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2015 at 5:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I noticed that even though I got all my Christmas shopping done a month earlier than usual, I forgot to put anything in the mail. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2014 at 3:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 8:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

by Che_likes_you / 12/12/2014 at 10:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

by unlovedandunfucked / 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

by foreveralone / 12/01/2014 at 9:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 5:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2014 at 2:47pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2014 at 4:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

by iskiel / 10/26/2014 at 1:53am / Australia (Victoria) / Work