FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, I was having a panic attack so I went to my mum for support. She blocked her ears because my heavy breathing was annoying her. FML

by thebiteof87 / 06/01/2015 at 8:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

by uwotm8 / 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 9:22pm / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 11:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

by clothesthief / 04/03/2015 at 6:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

by IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit / 03/31/2015 at 10:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

by post it / 03/30/2015 at 11:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML

by ToiletRoll / 03/29/2015 at 8:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

by MyPoorEyes / 03/19/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I baked a cake for when my mum came home. I did everything I needed to do and put it in the oven, set the timer and went to do some things around the house. When my mum came home, she asked why there was a uncooked cake mix sitting in the oven. I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

by non-baker / 03/17/2015 at 10:12pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML

by distressed / 03/17/2015 at 8:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy